Prefix to my autoethnographical story,

Well, if you care to read this, you probably may have some idea about how race can consistently be an issue in everyday waking life.  Me personally as an extremely light-skinned white person, having lived in the black community for over a decade, subtle differences emerge as people bump into you, cut in front of you, and so forth, coming out of the hood to the relative mundanity of commuter rail station from the hood.

And I feel justified in making such a remark, more or less having been through many such ‘paradigm shifts’ as I have made my way through life, and America, really. I am at a point in my life where recovery from drugs and alcohol is a necessity, rather than a noblesse oblige fanciful notion, because i can’t be normal with that stuff. ever. And I’m old.

So as far as a 5th step goes, it’s ok to skip ahead, and make amends regardless of some clean time, and just try to forgive people, so I will try not to step on too many toes but if your dumb ass was there with me, sorry bout that?

TBC

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Notes towards an actual start towards writing my book about me!

I guess I have to start writing some general impressions in what I feel the purpose of writing about my past sex life has to accomplish. It must most certainly fulfill a ‘5th step’ purpose, in admitting, to another person(s), the depth and nature of my wrongs, character deficiencies, crimes, and what has been perpetrated upon me.

It is definitely not to put anyone on ‘blast,’ and embarrass them. This brings up significant legal and moral issues, but character based opinions, memories, and the psychic and emotional impact upon my psyche seems to be well within my purview in terms of sharing those things done on my part but, often, with those who participated in the things that need to stop in my life.

To take a truly enlightened stance and receive knowledge from this series of events that completely separated me from society, for starters, is a major motivating and mitigating factor.

I had always planned to talk about getting raped and abused and pistol whipped and having had my skull dented with a hammer, cut by a box cutter across the head, or stabbed in the ear – manipulating others — where did it come from; it doesn’t matter, lest it go whence nor whither.

I personally am of the opinion that a state of, not grace, but gratitude, true understanding, and most importantly an implementation of survivorship is a requirement. For me, that would be, of course.

white people avoiding responsibility for the actions of white people, especially in america or europe

well this is a vital important and timely question that needs to be addressed by self described cultural competents as myself.

I mean, I try, I post at a peer to peer level at abagond and noone says anything mean to me, i have to go get my head tuned up inside, all that, I acknowledge it, but the guilt.

Ancestors? I guess, generational guilt, it does exist, I mean adding a racial phenotype of one type or another i guess it could obviously add to family pride in any circumstance, but i have a preference, not a fetish with my black wife, i live in the black community, and have been like that for a while.

So that forms the pupa or whatever of my concept of cultural competence, but it’s challenges on both sides, my first girlfriend’s mom told me a long time ago, neither side accepts them, especially with kids, so yeah ok.

But it’s time to increase regular people being able to have you know international communications and business not all this crazy stuff going on,

So I’m going to read this guy’s article, of course a lot would say libtard liberal no, so in order to also support the 1st amendment let the guy speak i think it is…

tbc

Annoyance and the purity of anger

Today, I have to say that I am extremely annoyed. I suppose I am somewhat envious of the Buddhist approach, and that is to say to be devoid of emotion, or at least to conceal that irritating phenomenon. Sitting Zazen, it seems to me you might as well smoke crack then sit there meditating. It’s even more of a challenge, I would posit.